May 31, 2009
Google is having a competition for students. I entered and was instantly rewarded with this:
The deadline for entry is today of course, but I don’t mind posting their propoganda anyway. You can see my entry here. Wish me luck.
May 18, 2009
Why would anyone post a year in review in May? It’s the end of the school year, that’s why. I just finished Spring term and I’m looking forward to a 3 month break. Of course, I’ll still be working 29 hours a week but at least I won’t have 3 to 4 hours of homework each night.
In the realm of design, I’ve been able to build my portfolio a bit via my Illustration class. I do feel that my skills have improved greatly over the past year. With any luck I’ll be able to pick up a freelance gig or two over the summer.
Of all my pursuits, writing has suffered the most from my busy schedule. This Spring I took an academic argument course which monopolized most of my writing energy without providing any of the enjoyment I normally get from the craft. Writing academic argument is like eating plain white rice, or over-baked chicken. You may be eating but the flavor is lacking.
As far as academia goes, I’ve had a pretty good year. I maintained a 4.0, I was honored with an “Excellence Under the Stars” award for academic achievement in Computer Illustration and History of Graphic Design, and I landed a Bethel Ells Scholarship. I also became a member of Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. Not a bad bit of resume fodder, if you ask me.
And Now, the stunning conclusion of:
The Bleam Corp Annual Chili Cook-off
(see part 1 here)
(see part 2 here)
(see part 3 here)
(see part 4 here)
John pushed the cart full of chili through the swinging double doors. Orange slime now covered the cafeteria. The creatures had just slurped up the last bit of chili. They were oozing toward the kitchen doors even before he had emerged with the chili.
“Who wants to try a helping of John’s Streak-free Colon Cleanser?”
John gave the cart a mighty shove. It glided toward the gathering mob of aliens. Just before it reached the nearest, it turned to the left and tipped over. The ammonia-laced chili spilled across the marble floor. Sphincter tipped orange tentacles lapped up the chili like hungry dogs.
“That’s right, eat up boys.”
John didn’t expect the poison to work right away. He didn’t expect the creatures to eat it and drop dead like in some kind of melodrama. What he expected even less was for the aliens to react the way they did. Just after slurping the last bit of tainted chili off the floor, the creatures began to grow.
“Oh crap…”
The first creature to reach John’s Colon Cleanser grew nearly double its original size, and the others were catching up fast. With the chili gone, they oozed toward him again.
“Oh crap,” John repeated, the last of his calm demeanor melting away.
He fled back into the kitchen. The slimy orange monstrosities squeezed through the swinging doors in pursuit. The proleg-lined tentacles propelled the creatures with surprising speed. They followed John through the kitchen and out the rear exit.
John sprinted across the alleyway to his storage shed. He armed himself with a crowbar –the only tool he found in his shed formidable enough to be a weapon– and continued his jaunt down the alley. He didn’t know where he was running. He didn’t care, as long as it was away from those disgusting, slimy, orange freaks.
I’ve got to find a real weapon.
He came to a door that led into the cannery. He stopped only long enough to see that the creatures were still on his heels. He rushed through the door, slammed it shut, and threw the deadbolt into place.
When he turned around he saw that there were more aliens here than there had been in the cafeteria. At least these seemed to be occupied with the massive vats of beans. For now, they showed no interest in John.
A loud crash sounded against the door behind him. The creatures were trying to break it down. The crash sounded again. It wouldn’t hold for long, the way they were pounding on it.
John hurried away from the door, and up onto one of the catwalks. He had only progressed a few feet when the door came crashing down. His slimy, orange pursuers oozed through the opening.
He fled across the alleyway, crashing through the door to the cannery. He jogged only a few steps before he saw them. The sloshing orange abominations had infested the massive pressure cooking vats. They paid him no heed as they devoured mountains of uncooked beans.
John stood there slack jawed. The cacophony of slurping noises made him feel a bit nauseous. The door behind him burst open. He forced his feet to move again. He was half way across the cannery floor when he glanced back. His pursuers were gone. No, not gone. They had joined their brethren in the vats. A grin spread over John’s face.
“So, ya came here for a cook off, did ya?”
With that John calmly made his way to the far wall. There he ascended a staircase that led to a small room. Half the room consisted of glass panels that overlooked the cannery floor. A console lay spread out before the windows at waist level.
John examined the array of controls. He didn’t know what any of the did, so he just started pressing buttons, and turning knobs. At last he flipped a switch and the lid to the nearest vat slammed closed with an authoritative thud. He flipped the next switch in that row, and the next vat closed.
He flipped the rest of the switches. The lids all sealed. Some of the aliens tried to escape, only to be split in half.
John continued to glide his fingers over the control panel. He didn’t stop until half a dozen warning lights and sirens sounded. Then he went back to the cafeteria.
#
Corpses of the Bleam Corp elite lay trampled near the main cafeteria exits, along side those of the rank and file employees.
John sat down next to the twisted body of Gustav, and lit a cigarette.
“Ya know boss, alien extermination isn’t in my job description. I’m going to have to take this up with my union rep,” John said, blowing a smoke ring into the air.
The walls shook with the sound of explosions from the cannery. John finished his cigarette, and went to the executive washroom to relieve himself.
These are the piss buckets of kings.
###
Final Analysis:
This story suffers on multiple levels. There are the pacing problems I mentioned in a previous post. Then there are the dialog tags getting in the way, along with a few other grammatical details. Overriding all of that, however, is the unshakable sense of hollowness.
As I wrote the story I really had no idea where I was going with it. This technique might work for the likes of Stephen King but not so much for me. The final product reads like what it is: empty. It lacks that spark that makes good fiction come to life.
Fortunately, I have complete a few other works since that I feel are vastly improved. No luck with publication yet but I feel they have a much better chance of finding a home, even if it isn’t with one of the more well known literary mags that I always aim for first.
May 14, 2009
My final project for Computer Illustration this year was to come up with a guerrilla marketing campaign and create visual examples of how it might look.
I believe guerrilla marketing is well suited to promoting subversive messages, so I decided to do a campaign advocating the legalization of marijuana. I could go on a long rant here about all the reasons the U.S. drug policy is idiotic but that’s really beyond the scope of this post. If you want to read about the topic, you can visit the NORML website.
My idea was to contradict some of the misinformation that exists about the drug with extreme contradictory examples. The concept was to create cardboard cutouts of various famous people who are known to have smoked marijuana and put labels on them that contradicted the obvious truth. These cutouts would then be placed in strategic locations for the most impact.
Stephen King appears in front of the NY Public Library:
Richard Branson in front of the NY Stock Exchange:
Barack Obama in front of the Supreme Court:
Michael Phelps coming out of a public swimming pool:
Each cutout would be accompanied not only by the pot logo but also a mug shot style reader board to make sure passersby would know who the person was, and why they were being labeled as pot smokers. As these are a little hard to read in the conceptual renderings, I’ve included larger versions of the signs:
May 9, 2009
I have been taking “introduction to contemporary cinema” online this semester to fulfill one of my required “humanities” credits. I love film and figured this would be an easy credit. I also thought I might be lucky enough to get some food for my content starved blog out of the experience. Unfortunately I found most of my essays a bit too much on the academic side to make good blog fodder.
The final assignment, however, was a little different. It required us to select 2 films, one we enjoyed and one we did not enjoy. For each film we then had to find 2 reviews to summarize and critique. Since being opinionated is one of my many pastimes, I found this quite enjoyable.
Film I enjoyed: The Mist
Review 1:
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071120/REVIEWS/711200306/1023
Ebert starts his review by decrying The Mist as a formula horror film. He offers a synopsis of the film then starts to complain about what he perceives as clichés and the lack of impressive effects sequences. He refers to the film as a “Horrible Things Pouncing on People Movie.” Finally Ebert paints The Mist as an unworthy entry into the library of director Frank Darabont, indicating that it did not match the quality of the director’s previous Stephen King films, Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile.
My Response:
Ebert clearly missed the point of The Mist. He looks at the mist as a convenient device for saving on a special effects budget. While it is true that the ubiquitous fog may have made the CGI a lot easier to accomplish, the reality is that horror films are almost always scarier when the monster remains just on the edge of our vision. Compare a film like Deep Blue See with a film like Jaws and you can see how well this principle works. He also misses the fact that it is not the “Horrible Things Pouncing” that provide the real horror of this film. Mrs. Carmody and the band of zealots she recruits to her cause are the real monsters in The Mist, not the creepy crawlies lurking outside the store. Finally, The Mist is horror film. To compare it with Shawshank and Green Mile is simply unfair and meaningless.
Review 2:
http://www.reelviews.net/movies/m/mist.html
James Berardinelli starts his review by explaining the virtues of The Mist as a horror movie. He explains that the film is less about monsters than it is about people. After a synopsis of the story Berardinelli critiques the special effects, which he sees as “both a strength and a weakness.” He points out that the monsters are more effective when they are obscured by the mist than when they come into full view. He mentions that one of the most compelling aspects of the film is one of the director’s strengths: atmosphere. His main criticism with the film surrounds the exposition over the source of the mist, which he feels would have been better left to the imagination.
My Response:
I think Beradinelli’s assessment of The Mist is a fair one. His review shows a basic understanding of how films of this type work. I agree with his statements about over explanation. Just as it is with special effects, less is often more. Fortunately The Mist did not dwell extensively on exposition. Lastly I have to agree with his sentiments about atmosphere. A good horror film must create a sense of atmosphere, and The Mist does just that.
Film I did not enjoy: Eraserhead
Review 1:
http://www.popmatters.com/film/reviews/e/eraserhead.shtml
Bill Gibron starts off this review by suggesting the reader ask Santa for a copy of Eraserhead on DVD for Christmas. He then goes on to offer a brief synopsis of the film followed by an attempt at interpretation. He mentions the fact that David Lynch worked on the film for more than 5 years and references the director’s comments about the failure of any critic to properly interpret the film. Gibron then examines a few possible interpretations of the film. The review closes by claiming the film is proof positive of Lynch’s filmmaking skills.
My response:
Gibron, along with many other reviewers, gives Eraserhead high marks for its visual impact and “atmosphere.” While I can agree that the film has atmosphere, I find nothing else to recommend it. Atmosphere is only one component of a good film. There are many other films that achieve that component with as much skill if not more than does Eraserhead. Alien, The Thing (1982), Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) are just a few examples. Each achieves atmosphere and all are more watchable than most David Lynch films.
Review 2:
http://www.scifimoviepage.com/eraser.html
James O’Ehley’s review begins by highlighting the confusing nature of Eraserhead. The reviewer openly states that he does not know if the film is “any good.” He then gives a very brief synopsis, indicating that there isn’t much plot to outline. O’Ehley describes Eraserhead as a bizarre and confusing nightmare turned into a film. His final advice: The film is worth seeing if you enjoy Lynch’s other work but not otherwise.
My response:
I think O’Ehley’s advice in this review is quite prudent. Eraserhead appeals to some people but it certainly is not for everyone. I have to agree with the reviewers feelings of confusion and his final opinion that “it was an infuriating and willfully ambiguous experience.” My biggest problem with Eraserhead is that it is impossible to understand. I don’t just mean that it’s too high minded for the average film fan, I mean it’s too high minded for ANYONE. The director himself has never seen anyone else correctly interpret the film. Congratulation Mr. Lynch, you’ve made a film that is completely incapable of communicating your message. You might as well write a book in an entirely made up language. Just throw in some creepy illustrations, call it a work of art and everyone will think you’re brilliant.
© 2009 E.R. Ellsworth