Hooray! I’m finding my writing groove again. I’ve mostly been hacking away at my fantasy novel but it refuses to form into something coherent. At least the word count is going up. That has to count for something, right?

I’ve also been wrangling this short story that pokes fun at my beloved fantasy genre. It’s titled Prudent Paul’s Prophecy Emporium. Here’s a small taste:

“The second reason Chosen Ones are ignorant is much simpler: the Nameless One feeds on knowledge and experience. Ignorance is anathema to him. Attack him with an experienced warrior from his own realm and it will only make him stronger. Send some confused farm boy or, in your case, someone from an entirely different world to do battle with him and he can easily be defeated.”

“Have you considered throwing a small child at him?” I asked, just to see if he was even listening to me. “Or maybe an infant?”

Paul fell silent and stared at me, horrified.

“Well, as I said, I’ve got to be going. Good luck with the nameless dark, or whatever it is.” I moved toward the door.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. This is all fascinating but I’ve got to get back to real life.” I kept moving toward the door.

Paul rushed to get between me and the exit. “My boy, it doesn’t get any more real than this.”

I tried to side step him but he moved with me. This was starting to get a little too creepy for comfort.

“Excuse me, I’d like to leave now,” I said.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” Paul said.

“What do you mean you can’t,” the world filled with a sudden darkness.

Filed under: Writing by Ed No Comments »

Topics: Excerpts, Fantasy, Short Stories, Writing

Reading a book and then seeing the story altered on the screen can be jarring. A negative reaction is natural. Thus a segment of devoted fans will always be around to protest any alteration of a beloved novel.

What these people don’t understand is that what works in a book doesn’t always work on screen. I remember the laundry list of complaints about Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings adaptation and thinking to myself, “If they filmed EVERYTHING that took place in the books, they would have needed 6 movies instead of 3, and the end result would have put everyone to sleep.”

Changes are going to happen, no matter how many people complain on the IMDB message boards. The important question with any adaptation is, “does it retain the spirit of the source material?”

The new Legend of the Seeker TV series has yet to answer that question. The first 2 episodes, which aired last Sunday, set up the premise for the series and laid down a dangerous layer of cliché and hokum. I cringed a bit at a “my family is dead, teach me to use the force Obi-Wan” moment, and even more so at a He-Man “by the power of Greyskull” moment.

The spirit of Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth novels was there, but it was like playing Where’s Waldo to see it. If the show doesn’t find its voice in the next episode, I fear it may not last more than one season.

Filed under: Blog by Ed No Comments »

Topics: Fantasy, Television

If America’s Funniest Home Videos taught us anything, it’s that this country has a disturbing appetite for testicle abuse. No matter how many variations they played of “man gets hit in the groin”, they still drew laughter. Of course, just because a formula works doesn’t mean it’s worth repeating over and over for twenty years.

Most creative types place a high value on originality. We abhor mindless kick-in-the-crotch humor. We detest pie in the face clichés. Sorry Clown College academics, but a pie in the face is not funny anymore. (Also not funny: clowns.)

Originality is a noble ideal, but attainable only in small increments by most mere mortals. Yet, just because there’s nothing new under the sun doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it the old college try. Avoiding clichés is one of those incremental steps a writer can take toward their noble goal.

When it comes to writing genre fiction, clichés are tricky business. Swords and daggers have sliced up the pages of many a work of fantasy over the years. Does that mean future fantasy authors should keep their writing cutlery free? Probably not. Is magic a cliché, or a staple of the genre? Who can say? (I can, and I say it’s a staple of the genre.)

In my opinion, cliché plot devices are the real land mines. As I navigate my literary battlefield, here are some of the fantasy clichés I would like to avoid.

The Dark Lord/Nameless One
The great nameless evil who wants to consume the world in darkness has been defeated at least once for each of those “hit in the groin” videos ABC has aired, so I think I’ll leave him be.

The Grand Quest to Save the World
Can’t anyone have problems that don’t involve the utter destruction of the universe?

Young and/or Naïve main character from small/isolated village swept up into grand quest to save the world
Clichés exist because they work. This is a good example. What better way to show off all the cool details about your fantasy world than to explain them to your main character. If all your characters are familiar with the world around them, this technique doesn’t make much sense.

But since Frodo left the Shire, fantasy authors have been responsible for the abduction of countless simple farm boys and young villagers. I’ll do my best to leave these poor people to their mundane lives.

The Prophesy of the Chosen One
There are ancient texts that speak of one who will come to defeat the nameless one/bring balance to the force/make me a cheese sandwich. While I’m on the subject, I have to ask, what the hell does “bring balance to the force” even mean? That’s the lamest prophesy ever. Did Anakin actually fulfill that prophesy in the end? No one knows, because it doesn’t mean anything. The prophesy might just as well have said “one day a guy will do some stuff.” But I digress.

Prophesies are the cheapest form of foreshadowing. Often there is no explanation as to where prophesies come from, or why everyone puts so much faith in them. You might as well just put the outline of your novel in the beginning of the book, right after the map.

Filed under: Blog by Ed 6 Comments »

Topics: Fantasy, Writing