I’m throwing in the towel on the first short story I actually tried to get published. After roughly a dozen rejections I’m pretty sure it’s just not going to find a home. I’ve debated with myself for some time now over whether or not I should post the story here. Do I really want to subject my audience (all 2 of them) to my failed fiction?

I came to the decision that I will post the story in sections, and after each section I’ll post some analysis. When the whole thing is up, I’ll do a wrap up explaining what I think the story’s overall problems are, and why it failed to find a publisher.

So, here is part one of The Bleam Corp Annual Chili Cook-off:

These are the piss buckets of kings. John had just finished cleaning a row of urinals. He now stood admiring the gleam.

“To get to the top of this game, ya gotta know which restrooms to clean, and when. See, I used to be just another toilet monkey, but now I’m somebody important around this place. I’m the head janitor! I’m the boss. You wanna get to where I am you gotta know your crap.”

“I see,” Carlos said.

“All the big shots go home by five o’clock, ya see, so I always clean their crappers at the end of the day, so they’ll be nice and fresh for them to foul up in the morning.”

“Why not clean them in the morning, so the big shots can see you working?”

John paused. No one had ever questioned his knowledge of the intricacies of the janitorial profession.

“You don’t want them to see you working. Important folk don’t wanna see the guy who cleans their crapper.”

“But if they don’t see you, how do they know who’s responsible?”

“No, you don’t understand. When it comes to latrine maintenance, it doesn’t matter who cleans em so long as they get clean. See, the trick isn’t to get em to notice you; it’s to keep em from noticing a mess. They ain’t never gonna notice a lowly janitor, but they will notice a crappie looking crapper quicker than crap-cramps after the chili cook off. A mess they’ll notice, and they’ll complain. That’s what you want to avoid.”

The two stood in silence for a moment looking upon the sparkling fruits of their labor.

“But if they are never going to notice you, what’s the point of trying to impress them?”
John sighed, running a hand over his receding hairline.

“Never mind for now; that’s enough for today.” He pushed his yellow mop bucket toward the door.

Analysis

While I love the opening line, I think it’s awkward. I toyed with making it spoken, rather than though, but nothing seemed to fit just right. Other than that, I think things were off to a good start. Silly, but good.

What about you, dear reader? Do you have any analysis of your own? I’m always open to feedback.

Filed under: Writing by Ed 3 Comments »

Topics: Excerpts, Rejection, Short Stories, Writing

Rejection is never pleasant., but the sting isn’t as bad when you get a personalized note. Today I received just that in regards to Hole in the Wall.

While we liked your writing, we didn’t see much point to the story or why all those things were happening to him.

This may not be a treasure trove of feedback, but it’s still valuable. Plus, it’s always nice to know that someone at least read the submission. When I get a form letter I have to wonder if the editor ever made it past the first page, or if they decided it was rubbish within the first paragraph and didn’t bother to continue.

On a side note, Hole in the Wall does have a point. I guess I buried it too far in the subtext. Back to the drawing board.

Filed under: News, Writing by Ed No Comments »

Topics: Rejection, Writing

The good news is that the weekend was productive. I hammered out a 3k+ word short story titled “Clovis. ” It’s a homage to Little Shop of Horrors, with a strong influence from Confederacy of Dunces. Try to imagine if Ignatius J. Reilly was a crazy dog lady. I’ll put up an excerpt after I’ve done some editing.

The bad news is that I received the umpteenth rejection for “The Bleam Corp Chili Cook-Off.” This is the first story I ever had the Cojones to submit for publication, so I’m not that surprised. I may decide to post it here. It has its flaws, and it’s clearly not up to traditional publishing standards, but what’s the Internet good for, if not for publishing the unpublishable?

Then again, do I want to display my failed fiction to potential agents or publishers? That is assuming I may one day be lucky enough to lure one such as they to my Podunk corner of the web. I may just retire it to the neither regions of my hard drive. I’ll have to think on the matter.

Filed under: News by Ed No Comments »

Topics: Rejection, WIP, Writing